I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
