I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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