I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
