It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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