Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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