I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
