Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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