I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
