Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
