I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
