The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
