So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
