So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
