Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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