So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
