put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
