some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
