he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You need a sexual gate keeper
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
