Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
