I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
