Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
