I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize