You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
