I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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