Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
why do cheetos always look like penises
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
