There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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