im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
