I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
