I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
