The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
