YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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