I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
