Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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