I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
