I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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