come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
