now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
