Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
