did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
