Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
