She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm like, not good at living.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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