One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
