I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
