life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
