I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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