Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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