Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
