The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
