too bad you live with your parents still
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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