Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize