Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
