I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
