he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
