i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
