Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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