we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
