i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you had me at cake vodka
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize