the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to make out with him forever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
