So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
