i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
