she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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