Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
