are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
