she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
