to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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