You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
