His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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