She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
