My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your topless pictures make me question reality
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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