ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
