I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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