i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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