The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
