Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
