So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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