it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
