i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
