Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
