It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
