How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
