I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I supernannyed him into submission
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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