im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
