Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
