when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
