He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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