The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
