The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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