I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize