i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
