I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
