that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just googled if crying burns calories
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
