Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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