if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
