i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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