she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
